O Dear God....I am in Bethlehem....Wah wah.....

Yes thank you thank you, I know that blog title is AWESOME!  Yes I am in Bethlehem and boy do I feel holy.  BER got an urgent call from god and he said, "Quick!!  Get that short kid who wears glasses and has red sideburns to Bethlehem right away!!  We need a teacher seminar on how to teach students how to speak foreign languages better stat!!"  .....and here I am.....chillin in Bethlehem.....Bethlehem, PA.   Its a nice town, and is in fact named after the town the big JC (No, not Justin Crane) was born in, in Judea, by a settler in the 1740s.  There's your history fact for the day.  Holla.  (Yes, wikipedia comes in handy)  

  Well I am back on the east coast and it is surprisingly warm here.  It got up to 60 here yesterday and it felt great after coming from seattle in the mid-20s, and being in North Dakota and Minn. last week.  I flew into Reagan airport, got my killer rental car (a chevy malibu), and headed to Baltimore to hang out with Eric who just moved to D.C. from Seattle.  The Ravens game had just gotten over as I arrived in downtown Baltimore and the drunk idiots running in the street literally were being tackled by cops so they wouldn't get hit by cars driving 50 miles an hour outside the stadium .  I myself almost clipped like 6 separate people.  Well i parked and  met Eric at the Hard Rock, but we soon decided that wasnt our scene and we wanted to explore.  Avoiding barf on the street from the drunk Ravens fans throwing up what looked like cheddar cheese mashed potatoes (description is compliments of Eric)  was awesome!  After finding a hooters and some small seafood restaurants, and entering a sketch chinese restaurant called the China Room, we decided to just to get pizza at Uno, a pizza chain that doesnt exist in the northwest.  We had a deep dish pizza with a couple beers and caught up and decided we needed to find some bars, preferably run down ones, to get another beer at.  On this excursion, we walked through what I guess would be considered the "burlesque/red light" district, where there were endless strip clubs.  It was a dirty STRIP of establishments and Eric and I soon felt we werent skeezy/dirty enough to go into any of them.  

 We ended up in this alley of a place surrounded by bars and what looked to be the "clubbing" area of Baltimore.  It was dead.  Nobody was there, and due to the Ravens getting beat by the Steelers, nobody was in the party mood in Baltimore, and it didnt help that it was a sunday.  So we walk into a bar and there were some drunk people at the end of the bar yelling and dancing, which soon turned into jumping up on the bar/tables and dancing for the 3 person audience they had.  Soon more people came in a and joined them. It turned into an all out sloppy drunk dancefest with around 8 people in this bar, dancing on tables and the bar itself just being stupid and drunkingly uncoordinated.  (I shouldnt talk, cuz most of my dancing is done after I consume a few pints of beer and seem to flail my body awkwardly around) Eric and I gotta kick out of it until some skeez Jersey cheesedicks walked in and asked Eric and I,  "Yo.  You guys know where the club is at?"  We told him no and finished our beers and left.  As we walked out of the bar, a huge group of cheesedicks with a ho-train in-tow were heading towards the bar that we were just at.  We only imagined the stupid crap  that was going to go down and be said in that bar after we left.  Jager-bomb, jager-bomb, jager-bomb...  Speaking of that, I think I saw an Oompa Loompa in the middle of the large d-bag train.   Anyways, I said deuces to Eric and I headed to the Embassy Suites in upper Baltimore.  Overall, I thought Baltimore, for where we were, was fairly clean and nice.  I made a comment about that, and Eric explained that like 5 blocks outside of it, just on the outskirts of the town, it was kinda ghetto.  I never experienced that part of Baltimore so I consider Baltimore to be an okay city.  I wouldn't go there for vacation, but if i were passing through, I would maybe stay there just to see the nightlife on a busy night.  

The next day the seminar goes fine and we had a 3 hour drive to Allentown/ Bethlehem, PA.  This town is pretty old and festively done up for the holidays.  Went out to eat last night and my meal in this dive pub was pretty cheap.  I have a seminar in Philadelphia/King of Prussia, PA (yes there is a town called King of Prussia....god......idiot.....) tomorrow and you can bet that I am going to Reading Terminal and probably getting a Cheesesteak at Jims, or I might try another.  I know I have gotten a few recommendations from people so we will see. Getting a shot glass of course in priority, but i gotta get those reading terminal chocolates and a cheesesteak mhayn (you try and spell slang, its tough).  I think I might even get one for the flight home on Thursday.  I am stoked to come home a day early and begin my two week break.   Okay well  gotta go get some white out, cuz i ran out.  Yea, i lead an important life.  Deuces from Bethlehem, PA.....

Without Steve Buscemi or William H Macy......Fargo is no fun.....

So I was in St. Cloud, MN yesterday staying at the Best Western Kelly Inn which is about an hour north of Minneapolis.  St Cloud is a town where I get the idea that if the downtown didnt have so many vacant spaces for lease, or stores just shut down, it could be a cool/funky place.  There were some little business like a costume store, a thai place, a burger place and of course like 5 bars, but there could have been alot more.  I asked the front desk where they go to eat, and they recommended a place called Satwadee, the Thai place.  I got the spicy noodles, and they were damn good.   I watched the rest of Ratatouille (Yes, I am apparently still 7 years old) and went to bed.  

The next day I wake up and I am a zombie.  Its like the past couples days of having no sleep have caught up to me, and I just flat out cant function.  I manage to get all the mornings shit together for the seminar, but when I went to go meet the staff at the hotel, I went up and said 'Hi' to the people helping me and they glanced at me with a blank stare and didnt say anything and walked away.....fuckin dicks....... I mean maybe people from Minnesota are just socially retarded, but I met some nice people in Minneapolis who were cool.  Oh and another thing, I went to go fill up my gas, wearing my business suit to the gas station, went into the store, held the door for 2 guys in camo who stared at me and didnt say a god damn thing. No smile, no thank you, didnt touch me or the door, just like expected me to do it.  Everyone (probably about 6 people) in that fuckin Holiday gas station was staring at me like I was some alien from Your-anus (yea I just did that).  I think it is small town feel or attitude or something, I dont know.  I thought St. Cloud was decent overall.  

Well I drove to Fargo, ND and was staying in a Best Western again.  This one was a conference center as well, and just as sub-par as yesterdays Best Western.  My speaker takes the car to get something to eat, and I find myself with 3 decisions for dinner, a Chuck E. Cheese,  a Green Mill (sorta like TGI Fridays) or a Hooters.  Well first I went to the gas station and got a shot glass for the collection, but then made my way to the Green Mill.  It was packed and they said a to-go order would take a while, so I went to.......... HOOTERS!!!!!  I secretly wanted to go there for the wings and experience, but didnt want to be that scumbag sitting alone at a Hooters bar.  I know, I am a real classy guy.  This place was packed.  I mean of course there were fatass truckers sitting alone gawking at these scantly clad hott chicks, excuse me....uh huh....women but there were also like high school people on dates.  Really?!?!  Hooters for a high school date?? God Bless America.  Well anyways they had 9.99 all you can eat wings, and I got that.  Delicious. I washed it down with a beer (should have gotten a straight Budweiser with my fried chicken wings in Hooters to complete the equation because that is just straight Ameri-Can.....right Steve?).  Anyways, good meal overall.  Came back to my room, which is the size of a sardine can, watched the GU WSU b-ball game, fell asleep thinking about the horrible 2nd half WSU had and what an amazing 2nd half GU had.  I woke up this morning, set up everything in the room while half asleep.  Signed 8 people into the seminar and headed to Starbucks.  I asked if they had the breakfast sandwiches, and the woman behind the counter said that North Dakota Starbucks dont serve the sandwiches.  She then asked me where I was from and why I was here.  I told her Seattle, and sarcastically she said, "Oh you must feel lucky to be here"  to which I reply, "Sure am" and her response is "Well have fun in a state that is not fun."  I was kinda shocked, but felt bad that even the people here think North Dakota just isnt that exciting.  Oh well, tell it like it is i guess.

I head to Bismark, ND tonight on a 3 hour drive and stay at another Best Western.  I dont really like Best Westerns.  I have the sneaking suspicion that under management requirements for hiring an employee it says,"Make sure employee acts like a bag of shit when dealing with clients."  I just havent experienced good service (Im being nice with that....alot of the people who I have talked to the past 2 days acted like I had held them down and farted in their face....which would have been AWESOME!!!!.....when i asked them a question or inquiry) at Best Western.  The employees are just ridiculously lazy and pathetic.  Okay, rant done.  Maybe Bismark will be different.  I fly out tomorrow around 5 and land back in Seattle around 1130.  Awesome timing.  well i gotta run to Chuck E Cheese to get my speaker a small pizza with very little sauce.....the demands i have to do and take with this job make me feel like a bitch sometimes....glass half empty eh?  Anyways...deuces from Fargo, ND....

Panera Bread is the shit....

Okay so my plane finally took off in Seattle, and I had no delays, which is surprising because there was horrible weather.  I flew into Appleton, Wisconsin (I could by you a mansion.....god bless t-pain)  and took a taxi to the hotel.  When I got to my hotel room i walked in and it felt like i had just walked into a furnace.  My room was hott (sexy and warm), but then again it was 8 degrees out and somebody was compensating for the arctic like weather outside.  So what did i do?  I stripped down to my boxers and sat around in the heat of my hotel room, loving every minute of my private holiday inn room sauna.  The next day I had my credit card put on hold (which is a regular thing because i am spending a good amount of money in random places all over the US) so i decided to go find a bank machine.  This gave me a chance to see Neenah, WI, which is just outside of Appleton.  I thought it was a really cool town.  I was just in Illinois and I would probably guess there wasn't a single town there that I said, "Ya know, I could see myself living here if there was a chance."  No offense to people from Illinois, I just think your state sucks a fatass hippo dick.....JOKING!!  Illinois is nice......in a way..... but anyways, Neenah is a cool small little town that I walked around and decided i really liked.  For lunch i ate at a place called Gyros and Kabobs II.  I never thought there would be a greek restaurant to battle Santorinis in Kirkland, but I have found it.  This gyro was amazing, and cheap.  After that gyro, i was set.  If I were to live anywhere in Wisconsin, it would be Neenah.  

Well last night we had a flight out at 645, but we heard news of a snow storm coming thats gonna drop a foot of snow, so i tried to get us out on an earlier flight.  "Nope, sorry, all flights are full."  Shit...  Should i rent a car and drive 4-5 hours to Minneapolis....possibly longer with a snow storm to drive thorugh?  Well, we waited it out and we arrived at the airport at 430 and our flight is delayed 20 minutes.  Not bad we will get out almost on time.  Oops, a 30 minute delay......Uh no fiddlesticks...... 45 minutes because of deicing and airport traffic......By golly gosh darn it, the Minneapolis airport has been closed for an hour due to bad weather.... Okay everybody lets board the plane.......Oh dog gone poopbutt piddly paddly doopidy dick, just got word from the tower in Minneapolis another hour delay is expected........and it went like that until 1030 when we finally took off from Appleton in the middle of a snow storm.  We deiced for 30 minutes and got on the runway.  The funny thing is that it wasn't that bumpy of a flight but i was white-knuckling it that whole time just for the landing.  Well we landed fine and got to the hotel by 145.  Got up at 630 this morning, got a complimentary breakfast from the hotel, came to work and here I am.  No interesting/weird stuff has happened to me these past couple days but i still have 3 more seminars this week.....yippee!!  I head to St Cloud tonight, and head to the Dakotas after that.  I also got a rental car at Hertz last night and I got a brand new 4runner......minus its brand new cup holders.  Who the fuck takes a new 4Runners cup holders??  Is there a 4Runner cup holder shortage??? Brand new 4Runner for sale with cupholder upgrade which includes.....cup holders!!!! (Oh shit, better buy that 4Runner that fuckin thing has cupholders)  Yea, this is the type of shit i think about in my spare time, like what happened to the cup holders in my rental car....whateva, go fuck yaself.  

Well goodbye for now.  Oh and I ate some cheese from Wisconsin....it tasted like, you guessed it, cheese.  Nothing special.  Anyways, deuces from Minneapolis peeps.

going into the coldest week of my life....

Its Sunday....again.... and I am sitting in the airport.....again.... in my home away from home, the northwest club room....I could say again again but that would just be repetitive.  I am waiting for my flight to Detroit where I catch a connection flight to Appleton, Wisconsin.  The likeliness of delay is high and I am expecting to have to wait for deicing and that shiz.  

I have been paying attention to the forecast of cities I will be going through this week, and the highest temperature it gets on the days I am in ANY of the cities is 26 degrees. Right now, in Appleton , WI (where Im heading) it is -2 degrees, in Minneapolis it is 4 degrees, in St. Cloud it is 4 degrees, Bismarck is an oh so warm 17 degrees, and in Fargo it is 7 degrees.  I have brought my snowboard clothing and have upgraded the rental I pick up in Minneapolis.  I like snow, and its a good thing I do cuz the forecast calls for snow showers in every city I'm in.  Hopefully my speaker likes snowball fights, cuz if she doesnt, and it turns out she is unpleasant.......whitewash surprise (take it as you want).  

My plane is about to board so I have to start to get going, but I had an okay time last week after Philadelphia even though my speaker was kinda passive aggressive and .....uh oh planes boarding.....deuces from the terminal....more later....

Holy Shit! Philadelphia is rad.....

So.....  I bet you didn't expect 2 blogs in one day, but i am feeling frisky and this one probably won't be that long but, Philadelphia is rad.  I was there for maybe 4 hours, but love it.  There is a street called south street that is really cool and has like districts and the best Philly cheesesteak place  called Jim's Steaks.  It brings any other cheesesteaks to shame.  I also briefly went through Reading Terminal Market as it was closing down.  Its a marketplace with an assortment of shops sorta like Pike Place.  In fact, it was a lot like Pike Place, but it has cheesesteaks......FUCKIN CHEESESTEAKS YALL!!!  Alright, Im in Cherry Hill and tired.  Deuces from Cherry Poppin Hill....

And I am in New Jersey....Newark, New Jersey

Here I am in the beautiful city of Newark, New Jersey calmly sitting in a Holiday Inn and glad to be here after a long day of traveling yesterday.  Chris Brandard ladies and gentlemen...  Just Friends anyone???  Anyway...I was in Portland last week before vacation and everything went great.  The drive though from Portland to Seattle is a bitch.  It should only take like 3 hours, but with nonstop traffic, it ends up being close to four.....stupidest crap ever.  Had a good thanksgiving and fun time with friends over the weekend, but as traveling started up again I realized I wasn't as organized as i should be and kinda wigged out.  So if you had the chance to see me or talk to me on Saturday night, i had alot of anxiety but I am good now, tired from traveling all day yesterday but good.  

Yesterday was a horrible of flying.  After getting dropped off by me moms to the airport at 6 in the morning, I slowly but surely slugged my way to my gate.  We all board the plane at the right time and literally as the last person sits down, the continental crew gets on the intercom to say we are delayed 2 hours.  This delay meant i had time to go into the northwest airlines world club with 2 other program managers and have a few early morning refreshments (bloody marys and toast.... breakfast of champions).  At 930, we board the plane again in hopes of taking off, but once again, we board, get halfway down the runway and pull off because we have been delayed another hour, and this time no club to go to.  Shit.  Well we eventually take off and they show the same movie i saw on the way to Hawaii so I ignore it, and watch The Prestige on my computer, good flick, and Hancock, dec flick.  Once my computer dies 3/4 of the way through The Prestige, they announce to us that we are flying in a holding pattern, which means we circle over Pennsylvania again and again  until we can fly into Newark.  This holding pattern lasted close to 2  hours. By the time I arrived into Newark it was around 6:30 or 7 and I was tired but redonkulously hungry.  Continental, the airline i flew with, is a killer airline by the way.  Its the only airline that still serves food during its long flights.  They gave us a breakfast meal that was damn good.  Anyway...  Once i dumped my shit (take as you want to) in the hotel I had to make a trip to White Castle....damn son.  It was good.  The burgers were cheap, 65 cents, although smaller, and the fries were really good too. I got 3 burgers, a spicy burger, a cheeseburger and a regular burger, a fry, and a medium drink for 5 bucks.  God Bless White Castle.  I can see why its stoner food.  Each burger only costs a small fortune, and if you go to white castle you can order like 7 or 8 burgers thinking oh my god thats a lot of food, but infact its not the same size as a regular burger but ya know...... hence in Harold and Kumar when they go in and order like 40 burgers and 10 fries, it might be feasible to eat.  I think I have friends who would be up for the challenge of eating that much food.  In any case, it was good.

New Jersey isnt so bad, but then again I am sitting in the lobby of a holiday in by the airport and have only experienced the teachers in the seminar room and the white castle employees so far. One thing i kinda wanna see is an oompa loompas, as steve calls them, ( see link, www.hcwdb.com and find orange faced spikey haired guys.....)  They are the douchiest of the douche in NJ and I kinda wanna see one cuz theyre just shit-tacularly douchee.    I go to Cherry Hill, N.J. tonight, and will probably pick up my NJ shot glass there or something.  Tomorrow for lunch, or maybe tonight we will see, I am going to another place shown on the travel channel for eatin Philly Cheese Steaks in Philadelphia, which is like 5 miles from Cherry Hill.  I look forward to that, and then take off to Champaign tomorrow where I drive all over the middle of Illinois.  I need to get a shot glass there too.  Somebody remind me to get a shot glass there.   Aight, im out my son.  Chunkin the deuces from Newark, New Jersey....